Rene PlaysNovember 7, 1993. Survived 4 months, 1 day. Killed 2,192.
Because the in-game date was approaching one of IRL significance, I decided it was time to bake a cake. Cakes are finicky because they require a lot of tools and ingredients. Worse, some of those ingredients are perishable, so once the power goes out, the majority of them spoil.
The two usual barriers to cake-baking are milk and eggs. Both are perishable, and I only have eggs. I’ve got one can of evaporated milk handy, which the window above says is a workable substitute. So, all good, right?
First Trip
The button in the crafting UI won’t light up, so I’m missing something, but the game won’t say what. Pie is also an option - it requires fewer ingredients - and that button lights up. So, let’s try a pie.
I don’t have a baking pan, and in Zomboid, each piece of cookware is strictly required for each recipe. You can’t use a roasting pan for a stir fry - preposterous! Let’s go hit up a local neighborhood and see if we can’t find this important bit of kitchen kit.
As soon as I start down the very long driveway out from the scout camp, I realize that the zombos have migrated in.
Migration in Zomboid causes large packs to coalesce and move together. Tens and tens more came out of the trees, every time I honked my horn. My base isn’t heavily fortified; my main defense is the quiet, remote location. In order to keep things that way, all these zombies need to die.
A hundred or so corpses later, I return home very tired. Maybe tomorrow?
The next day, I get up and out early and head towards a very remote residential neighborhood. I slowly work my way from house to house, until I finally find it!
I return home to the pie dough sitting patiently in the fridge and think to myself, is this really what I want? Am I really going to settle for a pie when I have all these hard-earned eggs in the freezer? I’ve fought hard to get the extra gasoline to power a generator to supply multiple freezers to keep these eggs cold for the four months since the start of the game. Am I really going to give up now?
Second Trip
The scout camp is close-ish to one of the two malls in the game. Malls are infested deathtraps, to be sure. But, maybe I don’t need to go into the mall itself, and instead can go to one of the big restaurants next door? I remember a Pile o' Crepe (IHOP) in the same parking lot; maybe I can distract the crowd in the parking lot, sneak in, and get out?
The parking lot is a mess, and my arrival only makes it messier. I spot two potential targets: Pile o' Crepe and Churns ‘R Us. I try honking to draw the crowds away, but there’s just. SO. MANY.
I do a quick side quest to grab some books from a neighboring strip mall and return to try the main parking lot again. The honking was a mistake. And I then compound that mistake with the overconfidence of a bag full of firearms. Every shotgun blast calls every zombie within about 100 meters; there are easily 500 zombies in the area.
I loop out west of the parking lot into a field and switch to my long range rifle. Maybe I can whittle down the crowd from range? Surprising absolutely no one, there are too many, and I circle around the movie theater back into the center of the parking lot. I’m getting out of here.
It’d be great to clear this area out, but I’ll need literal fire to do so. And something to attract the crowd - probably an emergency vehicle’s siren? Something for the next visit.
Interlude: Rainy Day Walk
It rained and I needed a downtime activity. Why not collect some fresh berries for our eventual cake? Foraging in the forest usually provides, so let’s go for a little stroll with an umbrella.
I got a late start, around noon, and the rain stopped around 6 PM. I finally found my berries close to dusk. I had gone off-trail deep into the woods, and so it was going to be a long walk through damp trees to get home. I set out in the general direction of home, when… is that a helicopter?
Late-game helicopters are always hostile. The story is that in the early days of the outbreak, news, the police, and samaritans will fly by and do nice things (albeit drawing swarms of zombies). But this late into the outbreak, the only survivors are the military and raiders. They shoot everything on sight.
I thought I might be able to stay hidden for a second under the cover of the trees, but the helicopter closed in, anyway. There’s nothing left to do but run. I jogged west, crashing through trees, tearing holes in my clothes. Then the shots started. I could hear the impact of the bullets nearby; the shots were aiming for me. I kept moving, doing my best not to get stuck on trees in the dim light. Another near miss. Just after I crossed a trail, the helicopter broke off. I was alone again.
These berries better be tasty.
Third Trip
Given that I was able to make pie dough, but not cake batter, I must be shy on one of the ingredients. And since I only have one can of evaporated milk, I suspect that’s what we need. Via similar process of elimination, I deduce that we’ve got one obvious source: West Point.
West Point sucks. You can read about it in a past episode . Our best bet is to stay sneaky, avoid firearms, and move fast.
I refuel the car and get an early start down the very long backroads heading to West Point. I’m not sure on exactly which stores to hit, but I know there’s a main street that has a lot of businesses with commercial kitchens, and one of them has to do baked goods.
On the outskirts of town, I’m greeted with a sight of suburban bliss:
Surprisingly, the parking lot is not swamped. I park the car, clear out the interior, locate the rear exits, and look back at the parking lot. It’s … clear?
Because GigaMart is CostCo, there is a cafe. And baking pans. And evaporated milk. And carloads of other stuff. I fill my Chevalier Carnifex (Chevy Suburban) and head home, ashamed at how easy and obvious that was.
All’s Well That Ends In Cake
After hauling in my loot, I start the process of deducing which ingredient I neeeded. I open a new can of evaporated milk. No luck. I put raw eggs in the oven to make extra sure they’re not frozen. Still no luck. I put all the ingredients on my person to make sure I have everything handy. Nothing.
One of the ingredients is sugar packets. I have four in my inventory. On a hunch, I dig out a whole bag of sugar.
Sweet success! Let’s ignore the fact that, apart from the baking pan, I had all the ingredients all along.
This one goes out to a special someone. I hope we get to have fun, exploring the virtual apocalypse together, soon.
Errata: if you look closely at the dates and times of the screenshots and videos, you’ll note that the order of events doesn’t exactly match the retelling above. Honestly, I can’t recall the specifics, and I like this version of the story better anyway.